Christmas

Ah, Christmas... My very favorite and not so favorite time of the year. Why, pray tell?

I love the music, decorations, lights, the tree... But, don't like the obligatory responsibilities that come along with it. I've abandoned most traditions these days. Gone are the days that I used to spend so much money on gifts that I'd spend the next year paying for them.

Now, it's simple. Gift cards. The greatest thing ever invented. I mean E.V.E.R. When have you ever heard of someone not liking a gift card? Wait I take that back. I have a foggy memory of my mother getting a gift card (from my sister, I believe? She was ahead of her time!) and my mother asking what is she going to do with THIS? To which my sister most likely replied, "Well, buy yourself something." (and thinking to herself, every time any of us buy you something, you always return it, so we figured you could get yourself something you wanted this year!) To which my mother probably replied, "I don't shop at Macy's!" to which my sister replied, "You've been shopping there for 30 years!" (To which I rolled my eyes). To which my mother probably replied, "How do I return this gift card?"

Here's what I want for Christmas. Nothing material!!!!! Okay, maybe I'm lying. I may want some gummy bears, preferably the 13 flavors of gummies sold by that candy store in Atlantic City. Maybe it's not really a material gift? It's biodegradable. Yah, that's it. Okay, so here's the link It's Sugar. (Just so I can show you, not because I'm asking you to buy them for me.) Okay, I'm lying again. Buy them for me. But, I only want a small amount, like 50 pounds. Hee hee. And, please do not, and I really mean this... Do not buy me that 5 pound massive gummy bear. My confused brain says... why do I picture myself claiming I ate one gummy bear, but yet I'm so full I can't eat for a week? And, why do I picture it as one large gummy bear in my stomach, like it reassembles in my stomach once I eat all the parts? Hmmmpf. Instant headache just thinking about it. If a gummy bear needs to be sliced to be eaten, well, it's too damn big. And, kinda gross. Just sayin'. {gag}

I used to collect deformed, or shall I call them "disabled" gummy bears. Yup. I kept them on my desk, lined up. Siamese gummy bears. Gummies without heads. Gummies with big holes in their guts. Gummies with missing ears or limbs. I decided to put them all out of their misery one day when I got hungry. It was for a noble cause. I didn't want to see them suffer. Don't hate. 

But, I digress... Let me not be accused of falling into the commercialized abyss of Christmas, and dragging you in with me. Then, just buy me the gummies after Christmas, K?

Just kidding, of course.

Buy them now instead. :)

I want gummies, damn it.

~ Pat